I met the friendliest cop last night
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
