So drunk its hurt
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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