It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
