just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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