So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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