did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
