he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
