You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
zippers are such a cool invention
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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