He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
