just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
