just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
