She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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