I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
