I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
