Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
