So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
