Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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