Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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