Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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