You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
