On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
