i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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