Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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