You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
