so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
