Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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