Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
