i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
