We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
