shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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