so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
