No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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