Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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