My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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