Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
