It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
