yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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