the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A+ Viking dick
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
