we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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