i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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