apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We talked him into tasing himself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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