dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
