We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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