remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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