I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
