You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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