the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
