there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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