im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
