you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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